After our failed
attempt at IVF I had begun to doubt that God had ever really given me a peace
about going through with the procedure.
I was very confused and disappointed when we did not end up pregnant. Over the past 3 months, my heart was
hardening a little. I still loved our awesome
God, but I was building a wall. Before
that wall got cemented into place, God used three different things to speak to
me within three days’ time.
A close friend had a message that she truly felt was from God to me and
she shared that with me. I know she was
super nervous to tell me this, but she listened to the tug on her heart and she
shared two words with me. “Try Again.” I
immediately refused to believe that it meant to try IVF again, but I
thought that maybe it meant try trusting God again. I had hardened my heart to trusting God,
since we were so let down in November.
This seemed like a plausible idea and I decided to pray about it. A day later a Proverbs 31 devotional caught my eye
titled “Things Have Got to Be Different This Year”. The devotional started out with these verses:
"When
he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, 'Put out into deep water, and let
down the nets for a catch.' Simon answered, 'Master, we've worked hard all
night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the
nets.' When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that
their nets began to break." Luke 5:4-6 (NIV)
This reminded me of a magnet I have on my refrigerator from a study I did a
year ago. And I thought maybe God really
was telling me to trust him again...
Was getting into the fridge
last night and saw the one magnet that Jeanette had made a while back. It says something like “But because you say so Lord, I will let down the
nets again." ...
She
went on to say that when she noticed that magnet, which she hadn’t noticed in months, that she heard a voice saying:
“You need to tell MK this – she needs to trust Me again.”
I have also realized how important the second word is in that message: Again. One evening my hubby and I were walking our dog and in the middle of the road with fields on either side of us and stars sparkling above us, I broke down and cried out in frustration and overwhelming grief asking how was I to know if that peace came from God or if I somehow manufactured it on my own?!? I am so honored and relieved that God answered my question. He heard my broken sobs. If God is asking me to trust again, then that means I would have had to trust him a first time. Such peace those two words from a caring friend have given me...they have spoken volumes!
Our hearts are open to what the future holds. I have NO clue what that may be. But it feels so good to trust Him once again and know in my heart--not just my head--that God truly cares and loves us.
Thanks for sharing! Kisses & hugs!
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