Thursday, August 14, 2014

Like a Light Switch...

I was talking to a friend the other day who is also struggling with how to just “get over” the fact that she will never be a mother.  I shared that I wouldn’t be as okay with this prospect as I am if it wasn’t for my faith.  Which is undoubtedly true! 

Since that conversation though, I’m being cruelly reminded of all the things I had looked forward to sharing with the daughter I’ve always dreamed of having... Teaching her how to cook and bake--especially how to make her daddy’s favorite desserts showing her the joy of doing special things for the ones you love... Going to yard sales finding awesome finds... Braiding her hair or just brushing out tangles... Reading stories to her at bedtime... the list goes on and on...

Then I get so frustrated with myself for not getting over not having any children of my own.  Why do I still have emotional days?  Why can’t I just move on and get over this?  Why can’t I just be okay with this???

Last week while sitting in Sunday School I listened to our teacher, Chuck, talk about Job 38 and he made this point: 
It is important to note that God never told Job the reason for his pain!  God never did give Job any explanation about the circumstances of his trouble.  His question to Job is simply this—Are you as eternal, great, powerful, wise and perfect as God?  No!  So you need to trust Me!!

Job had the longest recorded conversation (I guess you can call that a conversation) with God in the Bible and yet he didn’t receive an answer from God as to why he had to suffer.  Sometimes God doesn’t give us an answer to our Whys and Why Nots.     
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

Deciding to accept the likely possibility that I will not be a mother and trust God with HIS plan for my life does NOT mean that I can turn the desire to have children off like a light switch.  It does not mean that I will not ache to know what it’s like to carry a child inside me.  It doesn’t mean that I will never have another emotional breakdown.  I am still a woman, and an emotional one at that! 

My feelings will still be there, but I choose to not let these emotions define me. 

Each morning I need to hand it back over to God.  Again.  I need to remember that this kind of an emotional day is sure to come again.  I will hand my doubts back to God and chose to not hold on to them.  That is the only way I will be able to move closer to truly trusting God. 

Love & Hugs,

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